Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Body Magic is evil

'How do they pee with that on?' she asked me, puzzled.
'How do they even breathe?' I replied.

I think Body Magic is evil. According to sites selling it and videos I've seen on Youtube, you put it on and you look two to three dress sizes smaller. Women should be encouraged to exercise and make changes to their diet to lose weight and look good rather than squeeze into Body Magic. Not to mention its deceptive. A guy looks at you and thinks you're a 10 when you're actually a 16. Just look at this:

Its different when you're wearing shape wear to just smoothen things out but this does WAY more than smoothen things out. I wouldn't advice a friend to purchase one of these. I'd advice her to exercise and work on her problem areas.

'Body Magic is evil.'

That's what she said.

Who knows - Avril Lavigne ♥

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

You don't look like a size 12

'Ugh! Someone else just told me I don't look like a size 12! They said I look like an 8. Don't they know its rude?'
"But you don't look like a size 12. Do I really have to keep reminding you you're tall?"
'You tell me everyday. What's a size 12 supposed to look like?'
'I don't know. Fat?'

Let me explain. I wear UK size 10 tops and UK size 12 bottoms (UK size 12 is probably a US 8 or 10? I'm not sure)
I'm not sure why this statement rubs me the wrong way. What's a size 12 supposed to look like? Fat? Size matters alright but the way you look matters more. A woman can be a toned size 14 and look way better than a flabby 8. The way you look in a dress or jeans matters more than the number on it. Which is probably why they don't plaster the size tag on the outside of the dress. I'm sick of people telling me I don't look like a size 12. I'm not a size!

I don't want to be skinny. Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being skinny. Well skinny healthy anyway. Victoria Beckham looks skinny unhealthy. Jessica Alba is skinny healthy. See my point? The other day my friend said to me 'Wow you're skinny now.' and I was slightly irritated. Its not that I think its bad to be skinny. I just don't think its for me. When I think of beautiful bodies I think of women like Shakira first. Then I think of women like Jessica Alba. I think they're both beautiful but Shakira's body is what I strive to be like.

And even though now I really love the way my body looks. I don't feel like it inside. I take pictures of myself (like the one in this post) and I can't believe its me. I walk by my reflection and I double back. I don't ever wanna be fat again. Sometimes when I think of having children the first thing that comes to my mind is

'Damn how am I gonna lose all that weight after child birth?'

There's this girl in my University. I've complained about how people keep talking about how much weight I've lost, but this girl takes the piss. She is ALWAYS telling me how she wants to lose weight and asking me what I do. And my reply is ALWAYS the same. Its like she expects me to have a different answer every time. Maybe next time she asks me I'll kick her. I don't mind people asking me for advice. I'm happy to offer it. But I give her advice, she doesn't follow it and then she comes back for the same advice. Also its like she waits till we're among a group of people before she starts going on and on about how I've lost weight. Like she's purposely trying to draw attention to me. She's bloody annoying.

'When am I gonna stop feeling like an elephant?'

'When you realize that if you were fat back then you're not anymore.'

'Cheers to the 12's.' I said grinning.

'Oh shut up.'

That's really what she said.

Monday, February 7, 2011


'67.1 kg.' she read out loud to me.
'Ugh.' I said climbing down from the cold glass scales.
'What are you ugh-ing about? Just 7 more kilograms!' she said excitedly. 'That was your goal right?'
Truth is I never had a goal. Four months ago, I got on the scales and I didn't like what I saw. I couldn't believe it. I was 88kg. The highest I'd ever been in my life. I was never skinny but I was ok with that. I liked being curvy. But I wasn't curvy anymore like I was in High School. I was fat. The only reason it didn't show that much was because of my height.
'You're 5 foot 10! You're not fat! Just big.' she said to me constantly. And some days I believed it. But other days... not so much. But I couldn't let anyone know. I'm confident. I exude confidence. How could I let anyone know that I felt fat sometimes? The thought of people knowing was scarier than attempting to lose weight.
And then there was the pressure.

"You should exercise."
"You'll keel over and die."

Blah blah blah. On and on and on. I knew it was all true. But exercising meant agreeing that I felt fat sometimes. And I was not willing to admit it.

Four months later, here I am. I've lost 21kilograms. 46 pounds. And I did it all by myself. Me. No one motivated me. No one made me. No one forced me. And I did it for me. Me.

I still have 7 more kilograms to lose. But if I don't I'm happy where I am. I look at myself a lot now and think 'Damn, is that really me? I look just like I did in High School.'
So what's the problem?
I can't get over it. And then there's the fear that comes when I eat too much. The fear that I'll wake up the next morning and be 88kg again. Or that I'll stop exercising and I'll just be fat again.
I can't get over how much everyone tells me how much weight I've lost. I feel like I was a big elephant before. Sometimes they walk past me and when I say hi they say they didn't recognize me. Hmm.

'They're just being silly.'

That's what she said.